Fights between Couples

From child hood one thing I hate is fighting and arguing. Especially with people I know like family and friends. And it really upsets me when people shout and argue in between them. In the last few years I have seen more than few couples fighting. It hurts when someone very close to you shouts and trys to kill each other.

My parents never fought, I mean not badly. When one person says something with anger other person just listens, I have not seen them going all out at each other so far. I had the opportunity of living with few couples who fought for different reasons and some couples who didn’t go through a day without some conflicts.
Even an innocent question was answered like WHAT?. Depending on other person’s mood.
In most of the couples, I have not seen them hugging or a caring touch, etc. I am not telling that they should be down each other’s throat every minute. But some sort of affection. I cant stop but think that they are just like robots programmed to be couples.

Couples, married and unmarried, argue for silly things all the time. People get angry all the time. Every couple fights. Every couple have situations where they don’t agree. But end of the day, what they have to realise is that they are still alive. And they got each other. There is nothing serious as their own life and happiness. For god’s sake, if no one has died, for me there is nothing to fight about.
People are different; every one has their own ideas, theories and annoying habits etc. But end of the day we are humans and every one is different. If a person can’t see through those silly things for the sake of their relationship, then they should go and live in a closed room without anyone interfering.

The problem is that when people fight they are so into proving or disproving who is right and wrong…they forget about one thing…your life is only happy as much as your partner is …end of the day what are you going to achieve by making your partner unhappy and miserable, just so that you can make your point proved.

To be honest, I have no idea what they think when they are shouting at each other and tell words that they will regret later…I hope if and when I marry someone I would not turn into one of those people.
No one is going to be perfect. Every one got their own problems, etc…but we got to prioritise things in our life. What is important and what’s not.
What’s important…
Do you think that him forgetting to buy one of the things in your list…more important than you’re overall happiness…
She screwed up cooking oneday…so what…its not end of the world. She didnt do that purposefully, did she.
And some people don’t like being advised by their partner, they think that other person is trying to control them.

But if you love someone then I am sure you can ignore these silly things and see the bigger picture..
There is a saying in Tamil which goes like this…

" வேண்டா பொண்டாடி கை பட்டாலும் குற்றம் கால் பட்டாலும் குற்றம்"

So if a person wants to pick a fight, then they can come up with millions of reasons.

I would have loved to video tape some of the fights I have seen in the past, and play that to the same people in about week’s time. Make them realise how ugly it looks from outside. I am not saying that everyone could/should go through without arguments and disagreements…but good conflict resolution is the backbone of your relationship.
So what is important is how you fight and how quickly you drop it.
Because first day it’s a silly argument. Second day, it becomes a game where you don’t want to lose. Third day it will be a prestige problem for both of you.
You will keep account of wrongs, hurts and miss steps by other person. Now you care about your pride, power like who’s the boss…instead of your relationship.
I have seen people sleeping in different rooms after fights. Even going out of the house for the night.
The great kannathasan wrote in one of his books…that after every argument you should make love…he said those in a polite way. (I know what you guys are thinking…don’t start a fight just for that…lol)
The reason he said that, is that then you wake up next day as real couple …not in different beds….
End of the day it comes down to how much you love your partner. It’s simple, but yet people make it so complicated…
I am sure everyone knows what I am talking about and knows what’s the problem is…so I am not going to rant anymore…but just to conclude the post, I have copied an article I read long time back.
Group of 4 to 8 year olds, were asked “ what does love means?”
The answers were very deep and thoughtful for the age group.


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

~ Rebecca - age 8
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When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
~ Billy - age 4
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Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
~ Karl - age 5
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Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
~ Chrissy - age 6
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Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
~ Terri - age 4
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Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
~ Danny - age 7
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Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
~ Emily - age 8
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Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
~ Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
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If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

~ Nikka - age 6
(We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
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Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

~ Noelle - age 7
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"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
~ Tommy - age 6
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"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
~ Cindy - age 8
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"My mommy loves me more than anybody, You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
~ Clare - age 6
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"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
~ Elaine-age 5
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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
~ Chris - age 7
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"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
~ Mary Ann - age 4
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"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
~ Lauren - age 4
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"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
~ Karen - age 7
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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

~ Mark - age 6
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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
~ Jessica - age 8
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After all the ranting..........

Happy Valentines Day