be frank & honest

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Modus vivendi

Recently I have been feeling as if I am changing as a person. And I don’t feel that the changes in my character have been any good. When I was in Sri Lanka few months ago, I had a go at my parents and sisters, for something they did. Although I was right, I didn’t handle the whole thing well. So yeah! You could say that I screwed that up big time. From that day onwards I was feeling so down and miserable, thinking I had hurt my parents. Anyway it’s all sorted now. I had other things in my head, and I think, I took out my anger on them. I know it’s not fair on them. I did so many things that I wouldn’t have done If I had thought about it for few seconds. It’s not like me….
Anyway this made me think, about how I used to take my life. Just to remind my self, what really LIFE means to me and how should I be living my life, I wrote these moral codes last night.

So here is my list of codes

You are not a no-body. Somewhere someone will always think about you. For that person you are everything
Don’t be ashamed of you, your culture, your religion and your background
You are unique and one of a kind, don’t compare yourself with anyone else
Your life can be what you want it to be, so choose your own destiny. You might not achieve it…but at least you have tried
Take your life as it comes, day by day. Life is all about the present seconds…. So live, as these were your last few seconds in this world
Take the time for your family and friends. Your presence is more important to your family than your presents
You will make it through whatever comes along, the best way out is always going through
Understand yourself and respect you…before you start judging others.
Have courage, be strong
Do not put limits on yourself, but don’t be greedy at the same time
Decisions are too important to leave to chance. Always consult both your Head and heart
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize. So many dreams are waiting to be realized, go with your intuition but not at any cost. Only regrets you would have will be the ones you have never tried
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying, arguing, shouting, back stabbing at each other
The longer one carries a problem or a revange the heavier it gets, so don’t drag you problems, anger, revenge…let it go. And learn to forgive people
Do not take things too seriously, don’t get attached to materialism. Don’t get trapped under greed, lust, anger, attachment and ego
When the time comes everything has to go and everyone needs to say good bye.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets
Remember the friendship is an investment that you will never go bust
Life's treasure are people together
It is never too late for a new beginning.Have heart, hope and happiness
The best thing you can give your loved ones is not money but love itself. Remember that a little love and care, pleasant smile and cuddly words to a loved one goes a long way
Say sorry when you are sorry…say you love them…when you really love them, if you missed someone, let them know, care about others not only friends and family…but the strangers as well…because if you care about them, they are not strangers anymore… remember these small things goes a long way…towards others and yours happiness
Be frank and honest. But remember its not always good to speak your mind out.
Shed some tears when ought to, crying doesn’t make you weak
Everything happens for a good reason
Life sucks…if you are pessimistic, Life is a gift if you are optimistic
life is what happens to you while you are making future plans
Never explain and swear yourself to anyone for anything…Because if they loves you and knows you well, then they wont need the explanation.

I might not follow it all the time. But I try my best. Some of the ideas are contradictory, but in its own perspective, it would have its own reason. If I was asked to come up with new codes for life, this is what I would come up.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Special Talent

Olympic is the word in most people’s mouth these days and rightly so. People from all corners of the world proudly represent their own country and fight for the medals with passion and skill. For every single athlete participating is something special.
But for one guy this Olympics is more than special in many ways. Yeah! You guessed it. Michael Phelps. What an athlete. I have followed him from Athens. He is going for 8 gold medals in this year’s version. Most people would be more than happy to get on that podium. But that’s not enough for him. I watched his 200 mm free style race this morning and he broke the world record on his way to his 3rd gold medal.

Anyway the reason I started talking about Olympics and Michael Phelps is that when I was watching him this morning I started wondering about his talent. When I was a kid, my Grand mum used to tell me that every person would have blessed with a special talent, or in some cases talents.

Then my mind started wondering about my special talent. Now the question is what do I have as a special talent? Whole day I was thinking about this. Finally just after I had my dinner, I realised. I haven’t got anything that’s useful at all. Ha ha LOL.
May be I have a talent or may be I don’t have one, But if I have one, I have been able to spot it yet. May be I am one of those who, people call “late starter” (yeah right...dreaming on)

After awhile I gave up on me and started thinking about people around me. What do they have? And I couldn’t come up with anything significance for people around me. Other than I got people who are very good at gloating, gossiping, not to mention jealousy. LOL
But I still believe in what my grand mum said to me. But the problem is that only very few percentage of people would spot their own talent or their kid’s talent, and explore it. It’s almost like being at the right place at the right time. Unless a person tries everything in his lifetime he wouldn’t know whether he is any good at those.

Just imagine that if I had a special talent in Ice-skating. I was bloody born in Sri Lanka, how the hell I would know whether I am good at it or not. Having a special talent isn’t enough. If you got something and if you sit at home, doing nothing, then you might as well not have the talent.

Even specials talents needs spotting early and honed for future. Now I understand why parents send their kids to all the classes they could think of. Not because the next door neighbour’s kids going. LOL.

I think only very few percentages of people spot their special talent early. And even out of those people, very rarely people maximise it.

Just think of cricketers who do very well in under-19 world cups and tournaments and fade away from the scene as the years go by.

But some with minimum amount special talent survive with their hard work, and some even gets to the top with sheer hard work with little bit of luck of course.
I said luck because you got to be at the right place at the right time with the right talent. And right people behind you. Sometimes people need that extra push from luck after all.
Its time to think! what you guys got… and if you think you can do something…just do it...and so at least you know that whether you are good at that or sucks.
So when the day comes to quit …you can feel that you have given 100% of you for everything. No regrets.

Only regrets you would have will be the ones you have never tried

Go for it people and Take care

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Camping - Lake District

About 16 years ago I attended a National Jamboree as a scout and represented my School with pride. That was an awesome experience. After 15 days of official camping we stayed over for next 2 days just to have some fun. Over 2000 odd scout gathered and once they have left, the whole site is for us.

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Get your own

We had this amazing camp fire on our last night. Dramas, Drinks, you name it and we had it. I can still remember every single day of those 17 days of camping. And to be honest with you I don’t have any contact with anyone of those school mates and town mates. When we left we were talking about, whether we could get together in future. And as school kids we promised each other that we will do that every year and no matter where we go we always keep contact.

If someone had told me that day that my next camping experience would be in a place called Cumbria which is more than 5000 miles away from home, I would have laughed and said no.
Yes people. It did happen. After 16 years I went camping in a place called Lake District in Cumbria. Its not I don’t like camping, I love it, but the problem is finding bunch of guys with the same enthusiasm for camping.
We had a blasting 5 days of camping. It was different. No ones looking after us. We are in control. I mean not all the time. Once my friends have finished few bottles of Martel, No one is under control.
In those 5 days we had mountain biking, Trekking, Motor boating, Rowing, BBQ and plus driving around some of the beautiful places in UK.

As you would have thought by the way I am writing, I had a good time. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. And I am telling you, I needed that. Anyway I don’t want to bore you with all the little detail of the trip. The bottom line is that I had a good time and it reminded me of good old days.
I have up loaded some pictures I took for you guys to enjoy. Plus I have loaded some of my Sri Lankan trip photos as well.

Monday, 14 July 2008

Death __ _ _ _ _ _

____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Sometime seems the sweetest option

Title says it all. So I must warn you guys, if you are in a good mood then stop reading it now and get out while you can. If you want to feel miserable then go on and read it. LOL
These days my mind is so corrupted that the feeling of killing my self is much more tempting than anything else in the world. It’s not like one single reason, but lots of small things adding up to fill my pot of problems. But the base where all the turbulence starts is the same. The worse part is that the longer these hang on your head, harder it becomes to live with it.

Just imagine that you have a dumb bell in your hand. And you are holding it straight with your arms stretched forward. It will be alright for awhile and in your mind you think that you can handle it. But as the time goes on the pain creeps in. But just think, if you want to do that for hours, days, and weeks. In the end you will breakdown no doubt.
That’s why people say about taking a break and going holiday once in a while. It’s like putting the dumb bell down for few days and picking up again. But for me that option is no longer available.
In the process, I am hurting the people, who love me more than anything else, my parents. I have tried for so many years not to. I have put up a fake face in front of those people. But slowly and surely I am losing the battle in my mind.
Trust me I am trying my hardest not to take my cover off. But sometimes the words comes out. Especially when they say something that really hurts you.
I am sure I don’t make sense to most of the people who read this. Don’t worry. Because no one does. Even the people close to me don’t understand me. People close to me assume things. And one person who is close to me even told me I am loser in a subtle way. She is partly right. Or may be she is 100% right. So I take my hat off to her. Because atleast she is being honest with me. I guess most of the people I know think that way, but don’t tell me. Probably scared of me LOL
I don’t and never cared what other people think about me. But when it comes to my parents it does matter. I can’t be honest with them, because it will hurt them more than it does now.
Because I have done things with my heart tied, just to make them happy. Somewhere down the line I know I am doing things for the wrong reason. But in my perspective I don’t have much more options.
Enough said. Don’t think I am going to kill myself just yet ….although I feel like it. I am down but I hope I am not out. I will pick myself up and come up…
I hope that point is soon rather than later. Because I don’t want to hurt others more because of my selfishness.
Even now when I spoke to my parents, my mum is so worried that she says that according to my horoscope, Its very bad until November. So may be I might kill myself. Then atleast I can blame my horoscope for that. LOL

My friend is going to kill me, after reading this. So probably it makes it easier for me.

Take care guys…don’t feel sorry for me and don’t blame me for dumping all my problems on you…..
Just sharing…because I don’t like to share with the people I know…
So just writing it out makes me feel as though I have spoken to someone…
I hope it makes me slightly relived…

See you later if I am still alive.
Akash