Death __ _ _ _ _ _
____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Sometime seems the sweetest option
Title says it all. So I must warn you guys, if you are in a good mood then stop reading it now and get out while you can. If you want to feel miserable then go on and read it. LOL
These days my mind is so corrupted that the feeling of killing my self is much more tempting than anything else in the world. It’s not like one single reason, but lots of small things adding up to fill my pot of problems. But the base where all the turbulence starts is the same. The worse part is that the longer these hang on your head, harder it becomes to live with it.
Just imagine that you have a dumb bell in your hand. And you are holding it straight with your arms stretched forward. It will be alright for awhile and in your mind you think that you can handle it. But as the time goes on the pain creeps in. But just think, if you want to do that for hours, days, and weeks. In the end you will breakdown no doubt.
That’s why people say about taking a break and going holiday once in a while. It’s like putting the dumb bell down for few days and picking up again. But for me that option is no longer available.
In the process, I am hurting the people, who love me more than anything else, my parents. I have tried for so many years not to. I have put up a fake face in front of those people. But slowly and surely I am losing the battle in my mind.
Trust me I am trying my hardest not to take my cover off. But sometimes the words comes out. Especially when they say something that really hurts you.
I am sure I don’t make sense to most of the people who read this. Don’t worry. Because no one does. Even the people close to me don’t understand me. People close to me assume things. And one person who is close to me even told me I am loser in a subtle way. She is partly right. Or may be she is 100% right. So I take my hat off to her. Because atleast she is being honest with me. I guess most of the people I know think that way, but don’t tell me. Probably scared of me LOL
I don’t and never cared what other people think about me. But when it comes to my parents it does matter. I can’t be honest with them, because it will hurt them more than it does now.
Because I have done things with my heart tied, just to make them happy. Somewhere down the line I know I am doing things for the wrong reason. But in my perspective I don’t have much more options.
Enough said. Don’t think I am going to kill myself just yet ….although I feel like it. I am down but I hope I am not out. I will pick myself up and come up…
I hope that point is soon rather than later. Because I don’t want to hurt others more because of my selfishness.
Even now when I spoke to my parents, my mum is so worried that she says that according to my horoscope, Its very bad until November. So may be I might kill myself. Then atleast I can blame my horoscope for that. LOL
My friend is going to kill me, after reading this. So probably it makes it easier for me.
Take care guys…don’t feel sorry for me and don’t blame me for dumping all my problems on you…..
Just sharing…because I don’t like to share with the people I know…
So just writing it out makes me feel as though I have spoken to someone…
I hope it makes me slightly relived…
See you later if I am still alive.
Akash
Title says it all. So I must warn you guys, if you are in a good mood then stop reading it now and get out while you can. If you want to feel miserable then go on and read it. LOL
These days my mind is so corrupted that the feeling of killing my self is much more tempting than anything else in the world. It’s not like one single reason, but lots of small things adding up to fill my pot of problems. But the base where all the turbulence starts is the same. The worse part is that the longer these hang on your head, harder it becomes to live with it.
Just imagine that you have a dumb bell in your hand. And you are holding it straight with your arms stretched forward. It will be alright for awhile and in your mind you think that you can handle it. But as the time goes on the pain creeps in. But just think, if you want to do that for hours, days, and weeks. In the end you will breakdown no doubt.
That’s why people say about taking a break and going holiday once in a while. It’s like putting the dumb bell down for few days and picking up again. But for me that option is no longer available.
In the process, I am hurting the people, who love me more than anything else, my parents. I have tried for so many years not to. I have put up a fake face in front of those people. But slowly and surely I am losing the battle in my mind.
Trust me I am trying my hardest not to take my cover off. But sometimes the words comes out. Especially when they say something that really hurts you.
I am sure I don’t make sense to most of the people who read this. Don’t worry. Because no one does. Even the people close to me don’t understand me. People close to me assume things. And one person who is close to me even told me I am loser in a subtle way. She is partly right. Or may be she is 100% right. So I take my hat off to her. Because atleast she is being honest with me. I guess most of the people I know think that way, but don’t tell me. Probably scared of me LOL
I don’t and never cared what other people think about me. But when it comes to my parents it does matter. I can’t be honest with them, because it will hurt them more than it does now.
Because I have done things with my heart tied, just to make them happy. Somewhere down the line I know I am doing things for the wrong reason. But in my perspective I don’t have much more options.
Enough said. Don’t think I am going to kill myself just yet ….although I feel like it. I am down but I hope I am not out. I will pick myself up and come up…
I hope that point is soon rather than later. Because I don’t want to hurt others more because of my selfishness.
Even now when I spoke to my parents, my mum is so worried that she says that according to my horoscope, Its very bad until November. So may be I might kill myself. Then atleast I can blame my horoscope for that. LOL
My friend is going to kill me, after reading this. So probably it makes it easier for me.
Take care guys…don’t feel sorry for me and don’t blame me for dumping all my problems on you…..
Just sharing…because I don’t like to share with the people I know…
So just writing it out makes me feel as though I have spoken to someone…
I hope it makes me slightly relived…
See you later if I am still alive.
Akash
1 comment:
I couldnt read the entire blog...but till whatever I've learnt...I wld like to say everyone feels the same at lease once in their life...so c'mon cheer up...ths is not the end of life....u hav lots more...good n bad waiting for u...face ths world with courage my friend..
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